Only here at “Malationman's Chemical Shed” will you see the horrors of a family shower posted for the worlds to see! My wife would kill me if she knew I was doing this.   

This is the shower nobody sees, the one in the master bedroom. It’s the one everyone likes to use. If you don’t have company for a while, it could be a month before you clean it.   

As you can see, there is a lot of stuff going on in my shower. Shaving legs, buffing rough skin, shampooing, conditioning, and bailing (I guess that’s what the bucket is for) are all events happening in that little 3x3 cubicle.  

I count 21 bottles or items in my shower. There are no empty bottles. There is at least one application of stuff in each bottle. I asked my wife if we needed everything that belonged to her in the shower. She said yes, like I didn’t know what that answer would be. If I chuck the stuff it will just be replaced with a new bottle, so why bother.  

So I got 21 things in my shower. Can anybody beat that, or do all of you out there in blogland keep a tidy shower? 

Kids are so stupid. They can say the dumbest things. I sometimes wonder why I just can’t take them back to the store and exchange them for a good set of steak knives.  

Last night Sherri, Alissa and I went to the movies. Sherri forced me to go see “Because I Said So”; it won’t make my “Chick Flicks I’ll Admit To Liking” list. While driving there the girls wanted to know what I wanted to do for my birthday. I jokingly responded by saying that I didn’t want to do anything. Sherri told Alissa I was upset that I was getting old. My darling daughter says, “ Daddy don’t be sad, 43 is almost 100 and you are not even dead yet!”

I am off work every other Monday, today I am off work. The kids are at school and my wife is at work. Sounds like I should be golfing! Wrong, too much to do around the house! Obviously my wife has not been keeping up with her wifely duties! Just kidding, just kidding.  

One of the things I have to try and get caught up on is the laundry. Laundry in my house is never ending. We have burned out two washers and one dryer since we adopted the kids 6 years ago.  

I hate doing laundry. I catch a break on it a little because Sherri forbids anyone to touch her laundry. She says we have ruined too many things of hers and that it has cost us more than $1000.00 to replace the stuff that has been lost. Good thing she does the bills because I always wonder how we manage to replace those things.  

Actually I don’t mind doing my laundry, its doing Austin’s (11 year old son) laundry. I sometimes think I would rather clean up dog puke. You have to go through all the pockets, or who knows what you are going to wash. Rocks, crayons, coupons, flowers, a tampon, these are all things I have found in his pockets or have washed. Then there is the nasty underwear that I always have to pull apart from his pants because he can’t seem to be able to take off the pants first, then his underwear. Maybe he does this because whenever he does get the underwear off it ends up on the floor, where the dogs get them. They like to eat the skid marks; I guess it’s like a dog delicacy, better than the regular crap that they eat in the backyard.    

Have a nice day, and if you don’t already do this, think of me next time you are cleaning up dog puke, dirty underwear, or watching your pouch eat that last steamy morsel in the yard. 

… nothing to talk about but puke. I was not selected for a jury toady. My civic duty has been served this year. So my post today is about dog vomit. 

 Last night as I was finishing off another one of my bitchin blog entries, Mia my female dachshund, walks up to the desk and leaves a barf deposit at my feet. Why she thought I needed to partake in its steamy hot goodness I don’t know. There is nothing like that warm feeling in your hand as you clean up fresh dog puke, unless of course your are cleaning up fresh dog diarrhea. That would be later in the night.  

Apparently the trouble making brother and sister team of Splinter and Mia had been up to no good earlier in the day. Sherri had informed me that the two of them had some how eaten an entire lemon cake. I would guess Mia had eaten most of it by the size of her belly. Splinter must have knocked it off of the kitchen table, while Mia eagerly waited below. I know this because we have seen Splinter on the kitchen table before. If you leave a chair pulled out just a little, he will be on the tabletop checking things out.

When Sherri had got home from picking up Alissa from school, all that was left of the cake was an empty container on the floor.  

It reminds me of the dachshunds in The Ugly Dachshund. I have always had these dogs as pets, and they have always been little troublemakers. That’s probably why I like them so much.

About 1:30 Saturday afternoon I was driving to my in-law's house, with tears in my eyes. I had got a call from Sherri telling me that her mother no longer wanted to be left alone with John because she didn’t think he had that much time left. This had come on real quick, I was there last week watching football with him and he seemed ok, we had a good time. He was sitting up, talking, and things weren’t that much different than the last 3 months.

I had a good idea what I was going to see when I got there because of my father’s death from cancer. This would be no different for me now. I consider John my father just as much as my birth father. He has always treated me like his son, and I believe he loves me like his son. I love John like my father. This was visit was going to be tough. 

Just immediate family was there, Mary (wife), Sherri and Shelly (daughters), and Phil and myself (son-in-laws). No kids were there.

Seeing John was like seeing my father a few weeks before his death. Up until now you could talk to John and he could talk back. He no longer has the strength to do so. He will fade in and out of consciousness and occasionally whisper a word or two. This was very hard to see, I had to leave the room a couple of times to recompose myself. 

We decided that Sherri would spend the night with Mary. I would go and pick up the kids from the babysitter’s, then take them home. We would then come back in the morning to see how things were. 

I now have to pull it all together and try to say good night to John. I stood over him with tears in my eyes, but couldn’t speak. I bent over and hugged him and kissed him on the forehead. As I started back up I could hear him softly say, “good-bye buddy.” I smiled and squeezed his hand, and went home to pick up the kids. 

Sunday morning I got the call from Sherri. It was over; John had passed away in his sleep. 

Everyone seems to be doing ok. Even though we knew this day was coming, it still hurts when it actually happens. John touch the lives of many people, he was a father to more than just me and his immediate family. My meager attempts at writing can’t truly describe how much John will be missed.

Today I signed my son up for little league. It will be his first experience with organized sports. He is starting kind of late; he will be 11 in March. I am hoping that he will enjoy the experience of being successful on the field. It is hard to beat the feeling of hitting a grand slam after the opposing team intentionally walked the guy in front of you. The only grand slam I ever hit happened just that way. They even brought in their closer to pitch to me, which made it even sweeter, first pitch fastball, GONE! 

I grew up playing soccer, baseball, and tennis. I was pretty good. I was never the best guy out there, but I did have the skills to play at a high level of competition. It was my interest in sports that kept me out of trouble as a teenager. I am hoping that this works for my son too. 

I am not sure how Austin will do. He is an athletic little guy, but his hand-eye coordination is well…..lousy. His memory is a little sketchy too. I think he may have a hard time knowing what to do in some game situations. There’s a man on first, nobody out and Austin is playing second base. The ball is hit on the ground to him. Where should Austin throw the ball?  

One thing that is really cool about my job is that I will be available in the afternoons and evenings for baseball practices and games. My father wasn’t. He worked the night shift for the police department. My mom would come to some of the games, but I wanted my dad to be there. I am hoping that I can do that for Austin. I want to be there when he hits that grand slam, or to offer him a lifesaver when he fails. Who remembers that commercial?

In previous entries (here, and here) I have referred to my wife as the “glue”.  This weekend would be another great example of that very thing. 

Friday was my oldest daughter’s birthday. She is now 15. If you don’t know me or haven’t read my site that much, Sarah is in a residential school in Utah. I live in California. Sherri had planned a trip to see her on her birthday a couple of months ago, but with the condition of her father being so bad, things had to change. 

Sherri wanted to take Sarah home to see her dad. The students at this school are not usually allowed to leave the property. They can leave campus with their parents, only if they have been good. Sarah has not been good.  She would have to do all her visiting on campus. Sherri had different plans. 

Sherri explained the condition her father to the school and requested to take Sarah to her father’s for the day. This really wasn’t a problem for the school. We just didn’t want Sarah to know. We also didn’t want her younger brother and sister to know.  Austin and Alissa would just think that mommy had to take care of grandpa for the weekend. I would stay home with the younger ones. 

Sherri was going to drive to Utah Friday, and pick up Sarah Saturday morning (early). Then she would drive back to California, where Sarah would get to visit Saturday afternoon and some of Sunday morning. Finally, Sherri would drive Sarah back to Utah Sunday afternoon, where she had to be on campus by 7:30pm. 

Sherri was willing to do all this because she thought a visit to she her father alive would be better than going to the funeral, and she is just a great mom. 

Well the trip went down without any problems. John was having a bad weekend, but was able to visit and comfort Sarah. Sarah was on her best behavior and genuinely grateful for the visit. Sherri said it was one of the most enjoyable times she has ever spent with Sarah. We are hoping the chance to enjoy some of the little freedoms that Sarah has not had for almost year now, will get her to straighten up her act and get her home. 

So now it’s Monday afternoon and Sherri is still not home. Did I mention her sister went with her on the trip back? Instead of staying in Utah last night, they went to Las Vegas. So hopefully she is not having one of those “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.” days. 

This year's Christmas was kind of bittersweet. We know that it will probably be the last one that we spend with Sherri's dad. We spent the night Christmas Eve so John could see the kids open their Santa gifts on Christmas morning. One of the highlights of my day came at an unexpected moment.

While watching the Laker/Heat game, John and Mary called us kids (Sherri, her sister and husband, and myself) into his bed room for a serious discussion about his health. It was half time, so John thought he would just put the new 42 inch LCD TV on mute and us boys wouldn't be distracted by the game.

John has become completely dependant on his breathing machine, without it he would suffocate. I think that is how most ALS patients die. His doctor said that usually at this point the patient has about two months to live. At some point in time the breathing machine will not be enough.The doctor said we would know when that time had arrived and gave them a prescription that would relieve pain and anxiety when John was at that point. Not an assisted suicide type of thing, just something that would make the passing more comfortable for him. When this time arrives, John would like his family to be with him.

 This conversation is going as expected, teary eyes, sad faces, when all of a sudden John goes, WHOA as he is looking at the TV screen.  During half-time, ABC  decided to go into the stands and interview Siovaughn Wade, the wife of the Miami Heat's Dwayne Wade. She had a low cut dress on that was barely covering a huge rack that John couldn't help but notice. We all said WHOA. The camera quickly zoomed to her face. We all started laughing. The timing was perfect. Siovaughn Wade's boobs put an end to a real bummer conversation. It is good to know that even in times of sorrow, men will be men.

… about Austin’s femininity. I don’t want everyone to think I’m a ragging on him, but he keeps spewing estrogen all over the place. We will just call this the end of a trilogy, kind of like “Return of the Jedi”, that was kind of gay, it had Ewoks. First we had “Cheer Wars”, then “The Seamstress Strikes Back”, and finally “Return of the Make Up Artist”. 

Not very long ago (last weekend), in a galaxy not far away (Disneyland), my family and me celebrated Alissa’s 6^th birthday. We drove there Sunday afternoon, spent the night at one of the Disneyland hotels, and spent the entire day, Monday, hopping between California Adventure and Disneyland. It was a great time, we all had fun. 

There are lots of things to do there without actually going into Disneyland. Sunday we spent the entire afternoon hanging out in downtown Disney. It was Alissa’s day, so we let her pick out the hang out places. Her favorite place was a store called Libby Lu’s. I have to admit it was pretty cool. Like a Bassmaster Proshop for men; Libby Lu’s  is the ultimate store for little girls.  

Libby Lu’s had all the “bling” a little girl could ask for. Libby Lu’s also had many “stylists” on hand to do little girl makeovers. Alissa’s favorite thing to do at Libby Lu’s was to make her own make up, it was also Austin’s. He was very into the lip-gloss station. He made sure Alissa was putting the right amount of glitter into every $10.00 jar she made. (Libby Lu’s was not cheap) They had two jars made before I noticed how much it was going to cost. Ouch.

About 5 years ago my father died of esophageal cancer. About 6 months later my grandmother died from cancer of the gallbladder. Each death took a huge toll on my relationship with my mother and sister. People do some weird stuff when confronted with the death or inevitable death of a loved one, and my mother and sister went over the top. I’m not going to air out dirty laundry, but I have not seen or talked to my mother since my grandmother’s funeral.

This weekend I went to visit my mother. She bought a new house in Arizona about 6 years ago and has never invited me to see it. I have been insulted for quite some time. I was reluctant to go, but felt it was time to bury the hatchet.

When we showed up yesterday, I was surprised by the feelings that I felt when I first saw my mother. She looked older. Her hair had gone white and had gotten considerably thinner and she looked old. All of my bitter feelings disappeared and I just wanted to hug my mom.

My mother and I really didn’t talk much about what had happened in the past. I think we just understood it was time to move on. She was really great with Austin and Alissa. My stepfather was equally as good with the kids. He totally won the heart of Alissa. It turned out to be a really great trip.

Some things aren’t worth hanging on to. If you have some sort of problem with someone close to you fix it or let it go. The bitter feelings are not worth it.